i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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