1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
