It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
