dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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