Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
