i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
