The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
