i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
