Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
