my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
