you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
