I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
