even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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