tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
