Got a toothbrush?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
