so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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