things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
