how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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