Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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