Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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