Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
