I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
