Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
