once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
