dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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