Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
