I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
