ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
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