I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
