yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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