dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
