The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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