Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
