and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
