I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
