I love black thongs
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she told me i tasted like america
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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