is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
