She said her name was "party"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
