My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
