dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
