so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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