I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
