sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pooping to opera.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
