And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
