If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
