I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
