sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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