Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
