apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
