Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
