I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
