just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
What drink are we having for lunch?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
